Small steps when dating with C.F.S.

UP: 5am (only got to sleep 3 hours ago too). Emptied the brain in my diary and then fell back to sleep about 7am. Woke again at 10.30 (suffice to say neuuuurrrrrrrgggghhhh! – more sleep needed).

HEALTH STUFF: 20 minute seated meditation on the breath in the morning. Sun Ancon Chi machine for 30 minutes x morning and evening. Innerlight’s Supergreens 2 scoops x 3 litres throughout the day plus 2 scoops Innerlight Super Soya Sprouts morning and evening, Innerlight Biolight (in eyes and under tongue) and Olive Leaf capsules. Phew!

WHAT CAN I DO DIFFERENTLY TODAY FROM YESTERDAY THAT WILL LEAD ME TOWARDS UNBOUNDED ENERGY AND HEALTH? Tackle the causes behind my insomnia.

I don’t believe in palliative tablets if I can help it. Discomfort and dysfunction are there for a reason. Tablets gag the dialogue your body is trying to have with you. And mine is definitely not so much talking but YELLING at me right now. Mostly in disgust. Responding to your body’s wisdom is crucial if a symptom-free state is to be created. But this invariably creates conflict between mind (‘me want, me want!’) and the body (‘you are having a laugh, we’re spent’). It’s a bit akin to coaxing/dragging a recalcitrant toddler away from the sweet rack at a supermarket till.

But coax we will and today of all days this is needed. Why? Because I have been single for a while and recently I have fallen for someone. Quite a bit fallen. Cue insomnia and my head turning itself inside out post 10pm and then revving itself up to a full spin cycle by the time I am cocooned under the duvet. And the bizarre thing is I cannot even attempt to entertain the same thoughts during the day let alone at the same intensity. There is something unique about thoughts in the wee hours that my day-time brain simply regards with boredom and dismisses. How? Why can’t you do that at night Ms Brain!? (Oops, sorry! As a coach a wiser question rather than a ‘why’ question would be ‘what can I learn from my day-time brain so that I have a still mind at night?’)

So why is my brain especially active now? Like a lot of readers with M.E I have found fatigue can be a rather unwelcome occupier in the terrain of a relationship. It can consume and conquer all positive resources without strong tactics to the contrary. I found this out the hard way and then had a long time to ponder the necessary counter tactics whilst living the single way. One of the biggest things I realised is the importance of a) having understanding from your partner (space to rest, unconditional acceptance, non-judgement etc) and b) not entertaining a rollercoaster of energy peaks and troughs. This is hard when you are falling for someone and offers not so much a learning curve but a perpendicular climb as every cell in your body wants to get loved up and excited. But the importance of keeping things in perspective, in the present moment and taking the smallest steps available is never truer than for a health seeker and has been my lesson of the day. Having spent the day on the email and phone to my faithful foot nailers (so called because when I float off to la-la land they nail my feet to the ground) I made some decisions that slow things down considerably. And hopefully with patience and peace sleep will follow.

in hugs and health ;)

7*

WHAT HAVE I LEARNED/GAINED/ACHIEVED TODAY?

1. Called my local Buddhist centre about starting a local meditation group with a view to getting more Zen in my life. The man I spoke to said ‘it sounds great but what smaller steps have you considered.’ Point taken. Strangers are even telling me it now.
2. My body is actually more resilient than it used to be. A few years ago I would have been sofa bound by now. Whilst not running marathons I still have had a normal(ish) day. Nice one bod!